


Timestamp: Commander Octopus

by Cattraine



Series: Commander Octopus [4]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, Humor, M/M, Timestamp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-23
Updated: 2011-10-23
Packaged: 2017-10-24 21:45:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/268222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cattraine/pseuds/Cattraine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Stephen Jack McGarrett! You had better not be doing what I think you are doing! If you are, I am going to kick your cephalopodic ass!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Timestamp: Commander Octopus

**Author's Note:**

> For belial and the prompt: "Commander Octopus timestamp. The Prompt was--Steve sneaks and uses the magical box purposefully for some clandestine Octo fun and Danno has an epic shitfit."

It was nearly midnight in the little cove. The full moon turned the water silver as it shushed against the sand and its light was so bright that the solar lights staked near the lanai were unnecessary. Out in the shimmering surf, something large splashed happily. That is, it splashed happily until an outraged and wrathful bellow echoed down from the house.

 _  
**“Stephen Jack McGarrett! You had better not be doing what I think you are doing! If you are, I am going to kick your cephalopodic ass!”**   
_

Out in the water a bulbous, orange mottled head popped up and two large eyes peered guiltily up the shore where the compact, blond figure of a certain Daniel Williams was marching down to the water, a carved box held distrustfully on a towel in his hands.

OctoSteve scowled. Crap, caught dead in the water. Danno wasn’t supposed to be due back from the conference on the Big Island until tomorrow afternoon—more then enough time was Steve to change back and leave his new husband none the wiser. Sulkily, he crossed a couple of tentacles and glared at the blond who had marched right down to the edge of the water to glower out over the water at him.

Danny put the Hex box carefully on one of the deck chairs, threw the towel over it, and stared angrily out at his octo-husband, who stared resentfully right back, as Danny placed his hands belligerently on his hips. The calm only lasted a few seconds as they glared at each other, before the Wrath of Danno exploded into the moonlit air. Danny threw both hands up and shouted angrily, as he paced up and down the beach and ranted, both hands knifing through the air.

Impressed, OctoSteve noticed he didn’t even pause to breathe before he shifted into full rant mode. He wondered just how long his loud-mouthed husband could hold his breath underwater. Maybe it was time to find out. He sank stealthily a bit lower in the water and began to inch closer on tentacle tippy toes.

“I cannot believe you! What the hell were you thinking? Do you want to be a damned squid for the rest of your life? How do you know you’ll even change back? I cannot afford a giant aquarium, Stephen! Where did you find that damned box again anyway? Don’t you know sharks feed at night? Are you utterly batshit insane? I can’t believe I married such a lunkhead! I want a divorce, you crazy assed…Gak!”

Two tentacles lashed sneakily out of the surf, wrapped around the blond’s ankles and yanked him into the water with a highly satisfying splash punctuated by Danny’s outraged yell of surprise.

After a great deal of sputtering, cursing, and splashing, Danny surfaced long enough to make a break for the shore, only to be hauled back by what felt like about a zillion grabby, very nimble tentacles.

“Unhand me you giant squid! These are my best loafers! And my grandma bought me this silk tie! This is not acceptable…whoa, whoa, whoa! _Stephen! Get your tentacles out of my shorts_!”

Danny’s scandalized voice rang out over the water as his octopus husband smugly ignored him and gleefully proceeded to divest his flustered mate of his clothing. Various tentacles windmilled happily, flinging soggy shoes and wet garments up on the sand, well out of Danny’s reach. Outraged yells quickly turned to snorts and helpless giggles as several very nimble tentacles proceeded to delve energetically into some very ticklish spots.

“Stop, oh shit! Stop! Dammit, Steve I’m going to pee on you….oooh! _Oh!_ St…st… stop that Stephen! That is a very private place…oooh! Oh. Dammit, Steve stop! I am not going to have tentacle sex with you! “

A flustered, blushing Danny managed to multi-task and smack away about six separate tentacles, wriggle free and make a break for the shore all at once, a large, horny Pacific octopus churning the water right on his heels.

Fortunately the water was shallow and Danny made it up on the beach. He ran naked up the shore, until he was well out of the reach of OctoSteve’s ardent arms—all eight of them--snatched up his wet, torn shirt to protect his modesty, and turned to glare at the man-sized cephalopod who was smoldering damply at him from the water. Several arms—one waving his boxers triumphantly –beckoned enticingly, trying to lure him back within reach of a very, very amorous octopus.

“Bad octopus! Bad!”

Danny shook a remonstrative finger at the very smug cephalopod. “Don’t you know octopi die after mating?” His voice wavered. “I don’t want you to die, Steve!” Damn Animal Planet anyway. Danny scowled, Steve Irwin never got groped by ardent octopi.

He stared forlornly down at his wet, eight-armed husband, more then a bit horny himself and quite pink cheeked and embarrassed by his body’s unexpected reaction to Steve’s very clever and nimble tentacles. Before he could say anything else, there was a familiar pop of displaced air, and a very smug, very sleek, naked human SEAL was wading out of the water after him, still holding his shorts.

Danny’s brows rose at the intent, predatory look on his husband’s face as Steve stalked out of the water, and he slowly began to back away, a teasing smirk of his own on his face.

“Come here, Danno.” Steve ordered, voice soft and dangerous. “I’ve got something for you.”

“I don’t think so, Steve.” He taunted, still backing away. “It’s been a long day, I think I’m just going to go to bed…ack!”

He turned and sprinted up the beach laughing his head off, and if he maybe screamed like a girl when his husband quickly caught him, swept him up, flung him over his shoulder and carried him off to bed (where they did quite a bit more than sleep) it was no one’s business but theirs. In all, it was probably a very good thing that they had elderly, deaf neighbors.


End file.
